Sorry I Missed You – The Postman Never Rings – Part 2

NNDR

Ok, so yesterday I am standing in my driveway raking leaves. My favorite postman, I like to call him Dan. I don’t know what his real name is, but I call him Dan. Anyway, Dan drives into my driveway and then backs out and up to my mailbox. I know he saw me – we made eye contact.

Ok we really didn’t make eye contact because I have a very long driveway but there really wasn’t any way that he didn’t see me, standing there, raking leaves hello? Now, I didn’t expect him to hand deliver my mail just because he saw me there. That’s not his job – that’s why we have mailboxes. What made me mad is when I walked down to the mailbox there was a receipt for a registered letter. On it was written “Sorry, I missed you”.

Hello, you saw me standing there. You even went as far as to pull a little bit into the driveway. You couldn’t have driven all the way up to hand me my letter. Instead, now I have to go to the post office tomorrow to pick up the letter because it will sit in your jeep all day today.

Deep breaths…. let it go.

Today, my mailman, Dan, I just love calling him Dan. I don’t know his real name. I don’t know why I call him Dan. Maybe because it gives him a persona. Dan, Dan the mailman.

Today, Dan drove up the driveway. No, wait, I retract that, he backed up the driveway, he put the jeep in park, jumped out and tossed something which I assumed was my mail onto my porch. He was back in the jeep and barreling down the driveway in 30 seconds flat. I had to admire the fact that backing up the driveway made his getaway very smooth. That Dan is pretty stealth. I think he missed his calling.

I was feeling impressed. I went out to collect my mail and all that was out there was a small package. I thought it was a little strange that I had no other mail today. I mean I am LL Bean and Lands End’s wet dream for catalog deliveries. Sometimes, I get them addressed to my full name, an abbreviated version of my name, a misspelled version of my name and a couple addressed to the last three people that lived here, in this house, before me. In other words, I get mail every day.

On a hunch, I decided to check the mailbox and sure enough there was the rest of my mail. OK, Dan, the gauntlet has been thrown.

So guess what Dan, Danny, Dan the Man, my nemesis, I just signed up for Amazon Prime and next week I will start seeing you ever day until I max out my credit cards. Quoting the saying on my favorite cocktail napkin: I don’t like to call it revenge, “returning the favor” sounds much nicer.