NNDR
I won’t say that my partner and I are dangerous or careless people but we have had 3 fires in in a little over a year. Although two did not require the fire department, if we hadn’t acted quickly, they all could have cost us our house. That being said we still managed to find humor in it all.
The first fire was last Super Bowl Sunday. We had lit a fire in our two sided fireplace and it just wasn’t staying lit. We had been joking about just letting it go out but finally around 3 pm it started to take off pretty well. While I made us a few pre-superbowl cocktails she threw another log on and went to start the appetizers. Laughing, from the kitchen, she yelled to me “now that’s a fire”! And indeed it was. Within seconds the fire seemed to explode. I hear the telltale noise of a freight train barreling through the chimney. Oh shit, this can’t be really happening I thought. I grabbed the dogs and ran outside to see flames shooting out the chimney.
While I called 911, my partner ran back into the house to save the important things, her plane tickets for a business trip the next day, our wallets and my ipad. Since, I was calling from a cell phone my call had to be routed to the appropriate fire station. I couldn’t get it through my head why the dispatcher couldn’t just GPS me so I patiently gave out our address and then was transferred to my local station. Fortunately for us the fire chief just happened to be at a Super Bowl party right down the street. He was the first to arrive.
Again, good fortune prevailed, because something flew up the chimney and choked off the rest of the fire. When the entire deployment of the fire department arrived. the fire box was still engulfed but there were no longer flames shooting out over the roof. Whew!
The team did a great job putting down asbestos mats and spraying down the firebox. They checked the walls, the attic and the roof for errant embers but luckily all was clear. All in all it was a good 3 hours before they felt comfortable leaving us. I can honestly say I don’t remember too much about the game or even who won.
My partner left the next day for her business trip and I went out and bought a fire extinguisher. Good thing!
Later that summer we had been having some problems with our water cooler. I love those things, hot water on one side and nice, cold water on the other. We bought 5 gallon bottles 3 or 4 at a time at BJ’s. But every once in a while, I would come downstairs, in the morning, to a puddle of water on the floor and an empty jug on the cooler. I returned several bottles to BJ’s thinking they were leaking. Later we found out that a gasket inside the cooler had become damaged so we replaced it.
Now I am not sure if that had anything to do with what happened next or not. I was merely changing out an empty jug for a full one when I noticed flames shooting out of the back of the cooler and starting up the wall. Let’s just say that fire extinguisher came in real handy.
The water cooler now resides at the dump and I went out and bought a second fire extinguisher. Good thing.
We are the type of people who grill all year long. No matter how cold or how wet the weather is, food just tastes better when grilled outside. As a treat for ourselves we purchased a big two sided grill. Charcoal on one side and propane on the other. It also had an attachment for a smoker. Notice how I used the word “had”.
It wasn’t my favorite grill. Perhaps it sensed that. Around the same time we purchased the grill we found this awesome butcher shop. Nice thick steaks. Juicy pork chops. It was the juicy that did us in. We had thrown 2 bone in chops out on the grill. There were a few little flair ups so we knew it was time to clean the grates up. But it honestly hadn’t been that long since the last cleaning. Because we use them all year long, we maintain our grills by vacuuming out the old ashes and scouring the grates.
As I said, those chops were thick and juicy. My partner went out and flipped them. They had about 5 more minutes to go. It was a cold night so I sat back in my recliner with a nice tumbler of bourbon. Not purposefully, but my recliner just happens to be positioned so I can overlook the deck. The inferno overtook my gas grill in a heartbeat. We both rushed outside, me with my short little red friend in my hands. The chops could not be saved and the tank was a ticking bomb. My little, red friend went to work.
I have yet to buy another gas grill. Nor have I purchased big juicy pork chops again. I have, however, purchased a six pack of ALL Purpose Fire Extinguishers.
