NNDR
In my efforts to try to beat the heat I took myself to my preferred coffee franchise to indulge in my favorite summer beverage, ice coffee. Now I ask you, how hard is it to make an ice coffee? You really do not need an advanced degree – no rocket science technology involved here. It’s just ice, coffee and cream.
That is where the fallout happens – the addition of the accessory “cream”.
I would blame it on the holiday weekend. Perhaps not the regular staff? Perhaps the interns were left on their own? But alas that is not the case. You see I have been trying for ages – pre-summer warm up to figure out how to get the coffee baristas to serve it my way for the months ahead.
I am really not that difficult of a person. I don’t think that I am asking for too much just to want to taste the coffee and not be served a 16 oz cup of cream with a hint of coffee flavor.
Now, in case you think I am being a beast and just whining for the hell of it, here are a few examples of my interactions with the omnipotent servers of the infamous chain that has double “D”’s in its name.
My first attempt was at a drive-thru window when I asked for a medium ice coffee cream only. The entity in the box asks: is that going to be it.
Yes I replied and can you go light on the cream.
Silence then static from the box then uhm, we don’t serve light cream.
Me: no, I know you don’t have light cream but can you just go light on the cream in the coffee?
Silence then static from the box then uhm I’ll check.
Me: You will check what?
The box:….. if we can make a light cream.
Me: I don’t want you to MAKE anything I just want you to put a little less cream in the coffee than you normally would.
The box: static… silence… then… it is pre-measure ma’am.
Me: Ok but can’t you put a little less in
Box: static….I am sorry I didn’t understand
Me: Can you just go a little lighter on the cream
Box: Ma’am we don’t sell light cream
Me: Clearly we have established that….
Box: what I didn’t get that?
Me: Can….You….Put….Less….Cream….In….The…..Cup?
Box: It is pre-measured ma’am
Me: You know what just… give… me… the… coffee.
The box: static ….. what would you like in it ma’am?
Me: aaaaarrrgggg…. just cream.
The box: That we can do. Drive up to the window please.
My second attempt.
I am lazy. I admit it. If I can do a drive through window I prefer it. I mean all that effort to walk to the door and up to the counter. Then pick up my own straw and napkin. Then walk back to my car. It is tiring. But the gauntlet had been thrown. The entity in the box seemed to have an extremely difficult time getting my order right. I felt that if I could look someone directly in the eye there was hope. Also, I try a different “double D”.
The eager young woman took my order for a medium ice coffee with cream. She takes my money. She grabs the cup from the dispenser and checks off cream on the side.
I’m sorry, I say but is that a medium?
Quite assure of herself, she answers “yes this is the medium size”.
Ok, I say I guess something changed because that looks like a small used to?
The manager who just happens to be walking by says is there a problem. I say no I just didn’t realize that the sizes had changed (since yesterday).
Confused she says that’s the small.
I say but I ordered a medium.
Ooops, says the girl that took my order and quickly grabs a medium size cup.
Now, being the opportunist that I am and since I had the manager’s attention too, I said and could you please go light on the cream?
Manager: we do not have light cream.
Me: I know that, I just want a little less cream than you would normally put in.
Manager: It’s pre-measured.
Me: Sigh. Never mind.
As I am leaving I hear the girl say “wow , this is hard”.
Manager: Yeah, you’re going to have difficult customers like that. You just have to get used to it.
On my third attempt. I decided to take the friendly conspirators approach. I saunter up to the counter order my ice coffee with cream and say “ is there anyway that I could get a little less cream than you would normally put in. I mean I know it is pre-measured and all but is there any way I could get say ½ of what you normally do? I’d REALLY appreciate it. Please. Thank you.
The very nice and attentive young woman says no problem we usually put in 3 pumps so how about just 1 1/2 pumps? I reply that that would be wonderful and thank her profusely. I watch her write on the cup cream 1 ½. The cup was then passed to the coffee executor for the finalized product while I moved to the pick-up counter. As I am waiting I watch the cream being added 1…2….3… pumps and then an attempt at a ½ pump. It seems that somehow 1 ½ was translated into 1 cream at the normal 3 pumps and then half of 3 would be an additional 1 and 1/2 pumps. I guess I should give credit where credit is due, she was able to divide 3 by 2 in her head. But alas, now my coffee has 4 and 1/2 shots of cream. I have lost all hope.
Epilogue:
Nowadays I skip the “double D” and go to my grocery store, buy a pint of International Delights coffee flavored creamer, pour it over some ice and call it good!
